Below is the first draft as given to me from Brian. It was a good story or beginning anyway. It still needed motivation, a clearer connection to the antagonist by the protagonist. It needed more humor. But it was a solid start. Now, I apologize for the formatting. It seems there is no easy way to import a formatted script into WordPress – without sacraficing the blood of an infant, anyway – so put up with the inexplicable left justification.
Steampunk Short Draft 1.0
FADE IN:
A WORLD MAP depicting the STEAMPUNK EARTH in the 1890’s.
EXT. AIRSHIP YARD - DAY
The complex buzzes with activity. Every port has an
AIRSHIP tethered to it, with the conspicuous exception of
the absence of a ship at the MAIN PORT.
INT. WORKSHOP
The room contains CALIBRATION DEVICES and INDUSTRIAL
MACHINES. There is a TABLE stacked with SCHEMATICS and
NOTEBOOKS. PROFESSOR, a disheveled Germanic man in his
late fifties/early sixties dressed in laboratory garb,
frantically grabs and hordes the schematics and
notebooks, along with an odd, apple-sized METAL BALL. He
turns and scurries out of the room.
EXT. AIRSHIP YARD - CENTRAL SQUARE
Professor hides behind one of the giant STEAM STACKS that
stretches to the sky. He looks out over the main,
central SQUARE of the complex, and sees the coast is
clear. He sprints under the main WATER TOWER and sprints
up the stairs into the main port, and starts up the
circular stairs when THUG 1, THUG 2, and THUG 3, pop out
of their hiding places, all with STEAM RIFFLES pointed at
the Professor.
THUG 1 (OC)
Goin’ somewhere, Professor?
PROFESSOR
(German accent,) smiles
nervously)
Gentlemen, I was just...
Professor looks at the THUGS looking at his hand full of
booty, and resigns to his fate. THUG 1 a PHONE off of the
wall, and speaks into it.
THUG 1
We caught ‘em in the act, just like
you said, Commodore!
INT. OFFICE
Fashionably decorated with a nice DESK full of BRICK-O-
BRAK, a plush RUG, and some SHELVES with BOOKS. There is
a row of PHONES. COMMODORE TERRENCE HAMILTON
(COMMODORE), a dapper southern gentleman in his late
thirties, grabs one of the phones and speaks into it.
COMMODORE
That’s fine. Bring that thievin’
scallywag to my office!
INT. MAIN PORT
THUG 1
Yes, sir!
Thug 1 walks Professor away with the other two Thugs
following.
INT. OFFICE
Commodore stands with his back to the door. He hears it
open.
COMMODORE
Now, Professor, I think you know–-
FEMALE VOICE (OC)
Well, I’m not quite a professor,
yet...
Commodore whirls around to see DUCHESS VICTORIA NOBLE
(DUCHESS), a beautiful British woman in her mid twenties
dressed immaculately.
COMMODORE
Dahlin’! Forgive me, I was expecting
someone else!
Commodore makes his way to Duchess, gently grabs her
shoulders and kisses her on the cheek she offers.
DUCHESS
I hope you are not too disappointed to
see your fiancé! And speaking of
expectations, I was expecting us to
have tea with the Van Pelts an hour
ago!
COMMODORE
Sorry, dahlin’. As soon as I’ve dealt
with some unpleasant business, I will
be–- The office door flies open and
Thugs with Professor in toe appear.
THUG 1
Boss, we...
(noticing Duchess)
...Oh, hello Mam!
Thugs all tip their hat, Thug 2 looks menacingly at
Professor who gets the hint and does the same. Duchess
curtsies in response.
COMMODORE
You may dump all of my property on my
desk, Professor. Professor does so.
COMMODORE (CONT’D)
All of it, Professor!
DUCHESS
Darling, why must they have rifles?
That older gentleman does not look
dangerous!
COMMODORE
Looks can be deceivin’, dahlin’!
Commodore approaches Professor, reaches around into the
Professor’s small of the back, and pulls out a STEAM
PISTOL, that has a DIAL on the side.
COMMODORE (CONT’D)
See, dahlin’, this pistol is as
potentially powerful as all three of
their rifles.
DUCHESS
What is this all about, Terrence?
COMMODORE
As you know, the Germanic Coalition is
running out of room in their own
countries to continue to manufacture
airships and other military weapons
for Britain and France, so they
contract out to me and others to build
here in America. The Coalition always
send out technical experts to oversee
development. So, dahlin’, I would ask
that you say, “hello” to my back-
stabbin’ cuttin’-edge technological
expert who was in the act of stealin’
from me!
PROFESSOR
That is not true! I was–-
COMMODORE
About to make off with some important
designs, presumably escaping in my new
ship that he falsely claims is not
ready for flight! Why else would you
have been carrying those schematics
unrelated to the main port?
PROFESSOR
You have no right to my designs! They
belong to–-
THUG 2 hits Professor in the stomach, causing the
Professor to double over.
DUCHESS
I am sure that is not necessary!
(to Commodore)
Darling, are you condoning this
brutality?
COMMODORE
Uh..of course not, dahlin’!
(points at Thug 2)
Now, you know better than that
COMMODORE (CONT’D)
you... ruffian! We can do this
civilly.
Professor looks up in disbelief.
PROFESSOR
Are you feeling okay, Commodore?
COMMODORE
Capital, Professor. I tell you what.
Forgiveness is a fundamental part of
my character, so, if you show me how
to start my ship, I’ll let you hang
around to take its inaugural flight
before...letting you go.
(to Professor and) Thugs)
Gentlemen!
Commodore motions them to the exit. Thugs lead Professor
out.
COMMODORE (CONT’D)
(to Duchess)
Now, dahlin’, you probably want to
stay here and–-
DUCHESS
Nonsense! I wish to see this drama to
its conclusion, and I very much want
to see this new ship!
COMMODORE
But, dahlin’...
DUCHESS
Let’s go, then!
Duchess exits, followed by Commodore.
EXT. MAIN PORT
Professor leads the group followed closely by Thugs and
Duchess and Commodore bringing up the rear.
MALE VOICE (OC)
Afternoon, gentleman!
They all whirl about to see the source of the voice, who
is TR (TR), a robust man in his late thirties dressed in
western military-esque garb, carrying a WALKING STICK.
Thug 1 keeps his rifle on Professor, while Commodore
(with pistol), Thug 2 & 3 aim at TR.
TR
Everyone remain calm, I am dropping my
stick...
(drops stick)
...and thus, I am completely disarmed!
COMMODORE
As you can see, we are quite heavily
armed!
TR
(smiles)
And, so you are!
COMMODORE
I believe our soft-footed stranger has
the advantage of us, gentlemen!
TR
You can call me “TR!”
THUG 2
Who is this clown?
COMMODORE
Oh, if he is the “TR” I’ve heard of,
he is certainly no clown. The “TR”
I’ve heard of captured the “Emperor of
the Skies,” a nasty British Isles
aerial pirate gang. He also rounded up
several cattle rustling gangs out
west, and even led the charge to
overthrow a nasty dictator in
Africa...
DUCHESS
...And organized the Chinese railroad
coalition to free up those
DUCHESS (CONT’D)
workers from inhuman conditions. You
are that “TR?”
TR
That would be me. Good to see I’m
looking at a such a friendly, and
lovely face!
Duchess smiles, but then stops when she notices Commodore
who is glaring at her.
COMMODORE
And too bad I’m looking at a
trespasser!
TR
Oh, no, sir, I have an invitation! TR
takes out a LETTER on nice parchment
written with a fountain pen.
TR (CONT’D)
This is a letter from a young lady,
who I assume is you... TR looks at
Duchess, who starts to retort, but,
TR (CONT’D)
...Asking for help for her father who
is being held captive, who I assume is
you...
TR looks at Professor.
TR (CONT’D)
Being held by an oppressive and
dangerous cold hearted bastard, who I
assume is you!
TR looks back at Commodore, then back at Duchess.
TR (CONT’D)
Don’t worry, help is at hand!
COMMODORE
Look here, sir, I–-
TR
So, why not avoid an unwieldy mess by
handing the lady and older gentleman
over into my custody, and that way you
will only have to deal with the local
constables. So, what are you going to
do?
COMMODORE
I can not begin to tell you how wrong
you are, sir. But given the current
circumstances, I believe the correct
question is, what are you going to do?
TR
This.
FIRST FIGHT SEQUENCE
TR has taken out all Commodore (acquiring the steam
pistol in the process) and all three Thugs, and, while on
the ground, Commodore takes out a WHISTLE and blows it.
THAI, an athletic Asian in his late 30’s and THUG 4
appear about 25-50 yards away and start firing at TR. TR
grabs Duchess and Professor and leads them into the cover
of the steam stacks. Thai and Thug 4 join and help to
their feet their fallen comrades.
COMMODORE
Get them!
Thai, Thug 3 and Thug 4 give chase. Thug 1 and 2 run a
different route.
EXT. BOILER ROOM
TR leads Duchess and Professor inside.
INT. BOILER ROOM
LARGE ENGINE with accompanying PANEL of dials and
instruments. The three enter the room.
TR
(to Professor)
Do you have a way to get out of here?
PROFESSOR
Yes, just follow me!
DUCHESS
(to TR)
TR, there is something you should
know...
A STEAM BLAST slams close to TR’s head.
TR
Save it, Mam! Let’s go! The three of
them exit back to the outdoors.
EXT. TRACKS CLOSE TO THE TUNNEL
TR, Duchess, and Professor run down to the tracks when a
PORTABLE BOILER rolls on the tracks toward them with Thug
1 and Thug 2 behind the control cab firing at TR,
Duchess, and Professor. The three turn to run back the
way they came when some steam blast run them back into
the boiler’s path.
TR
This is unsettling!
PROFESSOR
Crank up the dial on the side of the
pistol for more power, yes?
TR cranks the dial on the side to a higher number, and
fires a blast that incinerates the boiler, blowing Thug 1
and 2 off and into the air.
TR
Bully!
PROFESSOR
This way!
Professor runs as TR and Duchess follow. They go down
some stairs into,
INT. TUNNEL
It is dark and damp with entrances at either end. Thai
and Thug 4 drop down the entrance at the end of tunnel
where TR, Duchess, and Professor heads.
TR turns and starts toward the way the came in, only to
see Commodore with Thug 3 sealing off the other end.
Commodore and all Thugs move in, weapons pointed and
poised to fire. TR raises the pistol and fires, but
there it is out of power. TR drops the weapon, and all
the bad guys move in close. Commodore sees TR eying Thugs
3’s weapon, for he has moved in close to TR. Commodore
moves Thug 2 back a little while looking warily at
TR.
TR
Nobody panic, we’re not finished, yet!
DUCHESS
Actually, I am finished. This has
been...exhilarating, but as I was
trying to tell you earlier, TR, I did
not send that note.
TR
What? You mean, this man is not your
father?
(points at) Professor)
DUCHESS
No. I met that man only a few minutes
ago. And, in fact, this gentleman you
so rudely described as a, “bastard” is
in fact my fiancee.
She moves over beside Commodore, who smiles smugly.
TR
(to Professor)
So, your daughter did not send the
note?
PROFESSOR
I do not have a daughter.
TR
Criminey!
COMMODORE
You seem like an educated man, TR.
Which makes me wonder why you would
put so much stock in a hand written
note from a stranger?
TR
Because, the last time I ignored such
a note an entire family was killed. I
would not let that happen again.
COMMODORE
I see. Well, just so you know, I
caught this vermin
(nods at Professor)
stealing things I paid him to design
and build.
TR
(to Professor)
Is this true?
PROFESSOR
Yes...no...yes, it is true that his
money financed the construction of
experimental weapon designs, but I
discovered we were constructing them
off-book and the had no intention of
shipping them to the Coalition! And
one of these designs could shift the
balance of power for the whole world!
DUCHESS
(whirls around to) stare hard
at) Commodore)
Is that true?
COMMODORE
Dahlin’, it’s America’s time to get
into the game. Anyway, I suspect the
Germanic coalition is not going to be
satisfied remaining a neutral
facilitator of weapons much longer.
DUCHESS
There is no evidence of that! And you
know weapon proliferation into America
without authorization from Britain is
strictly forbidden...you know that!
Father must be told!
COMMODORE
No can do, dahlin’. It’s better to
ask for forgiveness than permission.
Anyway, he made it clear that advanced
weaponry goes through Britain first.
DUCHESS
Well, I’m telling father!
COMMODORE
Are you sure?
DUCHESS
Yes.
Commodore turns the gun on her and motions her to stand
with the other two.
COMMODORE
Then, dahlin’, your fate will be
theirs!
DUCHESS
But..you said you love me!
COMMODORE
There’s always another train coming
in, dahlin’.
DUCHESS
You are a bastard! Commodore shrugs
his shoulders in resignation.
PROFESSOR
(whispers to TR)
So now you wave your hands about so
the bad guys will fly around and we
will run, yes?
TR
I already played that hand. We need
another distraction. Duchess whips her
head around.
DUCHESS
Not a problem.
Duchess fiddles with an attachment on her back and her
corset flies off, reveling her ample breast. This
garners the undivided attention of all of the men.
COMMODORE
(wide-eyed)
I’m sure going to miss that wedding
night!
Duchess, with effort catches TR’s eye. She nods her head
at the Thugs.
TR
Uh, yes, of course. TR flies into
action, stunning Commodore and the
Thugs and then leads
Duchess (who covers herself up) and Professor out of the
tunnel into open space.
EXT. STEAM STACKS
PROFESSOR
This way!
The three exit, as Commodore and Thugs emerge from the
stairs.
EXT. MAIN PORT
The three are at the base of the stairs leading up to the
main sport, where there is no ship docked.
TR
What is matter with you? You have led
us to a complete dead end and those
men have very bad intentions!
PROFESSOR
No, trust me!
Professor climbs the stairs, TR and Duchess follow.
Professor starts feeling around the air around the dock.
The enemy forces approach.
TR
They are coming!
Professor tosses TR the metal ball.
PROFESSOR
Throw it in front of them!
TR does so, and the metal ball causes a WALL OF ICE to
form between the bad guys and the good guys, with the
exception of Thai who was out in front of the others and
now attacks TR, who tangle in a deadly fight! Commodore
and the other Thugs can be seen blasting through the ice
with the steam guns.
TR
Duchess, run!
PROFESSOR
No, stay! It’s here, somewhere...
there!
Professor pulls on an INVISIBLE LEVER. An AIRSHIP
OUTLINE forms as the outer panels of the ship flips over
the MIRRORED PANELS and are replaced by the HARD
EXTERIOR, revealing a CUTTING EDGE STEAMSHIP. Professor
pulls another lever, opening the BAY DOOR. TR fights off
Asian Thug and runs to the bay door, where Professor and
Duchess already enter.
INT. WHEELHOUSE
An ornate interior with STEERING WHEEL and a CONSOLE with
other GUIDANCE EQUIPMENT. PILOT, s strapping African
American man in his early thirties dressed in pilot’s
garb, turns to look at the three. Professor runs up to
the console and presses his hand on a blank panel. When
he does so, gears and levers surround his hand, then when
all of them lock into place, the ships engine starts up.
PROFESSOR
You can fly us out of here, yes? The
hull shakes as its hit with steam
rifles from outside.
PILOT
It depends on how much can you pay me
to effectively steal this ship which
will get me fired and maybe arrested?
DUCHESS
I am a duchess.
PILOT
(smiles)
Well then, sit back and enjoy the
ride!
TR
Bully!
Pilot engages the engine.
EXT. MAIN PORT
The ship takes off as Commodore and the Thugs fire their
steam weapons. The ship departs, unfettered.
COMMODORE
Hold your fire, damn it! Get out to
those other air ships and track them
down, now!
The Thugs depart. Commodore’s expression lightens from
furious, to almost pleased.
INT. SHIP - WHEELHOUSE
Pilot flies along, the others have settled in.
PILOT
We’ve cleared the complex, so I need a
destination, folks.
PROFESSOR
To Germany! I must let my bosses know
of the successful creation of my
designs are valid and the Commodore’s
plan to keep them!
DUCHESS
No, we must go to England! My father
and the other powers to be must be
alerted to my ex-fiancee’s attempt to
proliferate these weapons into
America. And, that I now have an ex-
fiancé.
TR
No, just stop at the first port until
we can sort this out. Anyway, we have
a more pressing question.
DUCHESS
What?
TR
Who sent me that note?
EXT. THE GREAT BLUE SKY
The airship flies away into adventure.
BLACK
END